Raising Fathers
Co-founder of menALIVE, Robert Falzon, is speaking at Raising Fathers evenings. Gone are the days of fathers being expected to “provide, protect and punish”. Today’s dads want more hands-on involvement with their kids, and that’s a great thing, says Robert Falzon.
Speaking at the first of three Raising Fathers evenings hosted by Eastwood, Liverpool and Berala parishes, Robert Falzon encouraged the 60 dads present to embrace their vitally important task and vocation as life coaches, mentors and role models to their kids.
Good fathering is a strong social predictor for healthy, well-adjusted people in adulthood and yields a healthy, robust society and Church, he explained. Yet fatherhood is in decline in many ways. One in three families don’t have a father present in the household, and around 40 percent of teenagers grow up in a house without a biological father present. Meanwhile, more than one million Australian children go to sleep at night without one parent, usually the father.
Fatherlessness through physical or emotional absence, anger, alcoholism or other addiction, or being anonymous is linked to increased poverty, lower academic performance, increased crime and incarceration, drug abuse, child abuse and mental and physical health problems.
But many of us have been wounded deeply by our father’s actions or absence. There’s something about fatherhood that makes us or breaks us. And it’s our choice, because what we do not resolve is repeated. And what is not transformed is transmitted. It’s our choice to let grace turn our story into grace and glory and beauty.
We need to teach our children how to live, which includes many things; how to ride a bike, mow a lawn and take the rubbish out, and much more important things like how to treat others, how to treat women and other men. Your life actions and ways, good or bad, will be their training.
“Kids do best with dads who are present, patient, affectionate, who will hold them to account for their behaviour and speak with them honestly about difficult subjects like pornography, drugs and bullying”
Robert Falzon
The Raising Fathers evenings is a collaboration of Sydney Catholic Schools, MenALIVE, and the Archdiocese of Sydney including its Maximus men’s ministry.
Original material by Marilyn Rodrigues, Catholic Weekly
Ten tips for great dads
Tell your children “I love you, I am proud of you, or you are better than that, that’s not like you.”
You are their life coach and mentor, they’re watching everything you do. Your actions and ways, good or bad will be their training.
Affirm them with your words, presence, facial expressions and gestures. Praise something you want them to grow into.
Set rules and boundaries, make agreements around TV use, phones, computer games, homework and behaviour and hold them to account.
Spending one-on-one time with our children builds self-esteem. Don’t just give them your spare time. Create special moments, rituals, traditions, holidays and special occasions.
Express your tenderness and loving affection with a hug, kiss, touch, having fun, showing kindness.
Discover and then love your child the way he or she needs to be loved.
Work on yourself and your own problematic behaviour. Resolve the wounds you experience through your relationship with your own dad, or his absence.
Love your children’s mother. The best parents are both parents.
Surround yourself with other good men and help build community. Draw upon your spiritual beliefs and believe in the goodness of our Heavenly Father.